The „Envy“ Message

NYC Baglady

Evan Bortnick

Gesangsunterricht Wiesbaden

It’s never been any kind of a secret that I’m something of a “WeiterBildungsJunkie” (rough translation; ‘continuing education junkie’). Basically that means that two years can’t go by without me getting some itch to be certified in some new (most often ‘alternative’) methodology. This has, as you can imagine, advantages and disadvantages (emotionally, financially and energetically). My most recent ‘continued training’ was in Family Constellations or Systems Coaching. It was without a doubt THE most difficult seminar I’ve ever done.

One of my first experiences in the course was aimed towards a deeper understanding of my own ‘delusions’ and how exactly I’d structured that in my family. So in the safe context of the course I picked out someone to stand for my Father, my Mother, my Sister and myself and placed them somewhere in the room that ‘felt right’. Then I sat down and with the help of the masterful instructor watched them interact. {There has been a lot said about how precise emotional and factual information flows to these constellation participants. The “HOW” of it is fascinating, if presently only theoretical. The repeatability of the phenomenon really has to be seen/felt to be believed. Suffice it to say that it blows me away EVERY TIME!} What came up, aside from ENORMOUS amounts of ambition, drive and self-involvement (compensating for an embarrassingly deep insecurity) was a never before seen desire to feel envy in others. Now that REALLY drove blood to my cheeks. I could feel myself blushing hard. The advantage to this kind of work structure is that it makes it difficult to impossible to deny what’s coming up in the constellation, no matter how much you may want to. If someone tells you something about yourself that you don’t want to hear, it’s relatively easy to just say; ‘you’re projecting’, or ‘that’s your opinion’, or ‘that’s just not true!”, or something similar. In constellation work it appears before you as a clear inner dynamic and not an accusation or as blame. It makes it easier to consider what may be uncomfortable.

So what I knew to be true as of that moment was that a part of feeling successful was for me to feel others being envious. That started me down a road of not only accepting this about myself, but also of understanding “ENVY” as a human phenomenon. That meant observing it from moment to moment in others as well. The next even less comfortable step was to see not only how I desired to precipitate envy, but also to see clearly where and when I was envious. After now doing this for a while, I’ve really become convinced that I’m truly on to something here. I say this because of how bad, evil and immoral the feelings associated with envy so often feel. After all, it’s one of the seven DEADLY sins! That doesn’t exactly encourage us to take a sober, clear look at it. However, it’s just this clarity which I found leads to something really great; a higher octave of SELF-KNOWLEDGE!

Evan Bortnick Wiesbaden

The reason I love this quote so much is that envy, along with anything and everything else which might personally be considered a ‘sin’, IS “The Dark”. The ancient alchemists called this “Nigredo”. One clear look at Nigredo and it is subtly transformed. In the case of envy, for me at least (but I suspect for others as well), the transformation involves accepting envy as a trigger or consciousness signal for an unmet need. Following the ENTIRE rose plant of this need from its roots, through its branches, leaves and stems, to its flower, is the key to understanding your own REAL needs. I emphasize REAL in this way, because often what we think we need and what we really need are two different things. At least I’ve experienced that enough. I’ve heard others report similar experiences. That’s actually good news. It means that by coming into contact on a conscious level with less conscious aspects of real needs, I can make the structure of them clearer. This makes satisfying the need that much easier. To push McKinley’s metaphor even further; a good rose gardener loves his roses, but in order to keep them healthy and truly loved, he needs to have an excellent relationship with handling manure! Envy, as I perceive it now, when handled skillfully and maturely transforms into both clear life directions and vital inner states.

Evan Bortnick

Gesangsunterricht Wiesbaden


About evanb54

I'm a passionate, curious learning junkie--- an X-Opera Singer turned Voice Teacher, Voice Teachers Teacher, NLP Lehrtrainer, Off-Path Coach, Cranio-Sacral worker and a few other even less mainstream things. Everything I've learned or taught revolves around THE VOICE. The Voice as a tool of artistic expression. The Voice as a tool of emotional transparency. The voice as a tool of flexible communication. If you're interested in voice lessons or vocal pedagogy, please visit this site: There's an English and a German version. If you're interested in voice coaching, public speaking, trainer skills or presentation skills, please visit me here: ..and feel free to send any questions. Looking forward to hearing from you! More information can be found at my Institute Site: The Wiesbaden Academy of the Vocal Muse Gesangsunterricht Wiesbaden, Coaching, Voice Pedagogy
This entry was posted in Archetypes, Authenticity, Communication, Congruence, Emotional Intelligence, Emotional Transparency, Fitness, Inner Game, Mind, Thinking and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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